Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize
