my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
