My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Even my vagina gasped.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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