3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
