After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
