cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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