you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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