I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
