the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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