So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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