Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
