I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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