i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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