how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
