1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
