My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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