We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
