I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
