I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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