i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
