i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
