i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
