you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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