Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
