She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
