apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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