I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
