sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
