At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
