Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think i got beer on your cat.
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