You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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