You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
