I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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