between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
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Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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