i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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