I wish my penis had an off switch
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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