that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
