is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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