Duck Duck Cougar?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
