Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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