And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Vodka?
Forever.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
