At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
