Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
