He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Panties = found
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
