i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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