It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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