oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
