Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
