Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
birth control should be required to get into college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
