At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize