Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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