i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
