I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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