you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
