And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
