One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
