Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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