I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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