he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
