Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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