her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
