somebody snuck up and got me drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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