I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
