I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
